Helicopter Parent - A Positive Role

Parents; over involved, posturing, standing in the way;
Going beyond their responsibility and obligation? Our feeling is that this is not all that bad.

Welcome to the Millennial Generation; a generation full of life, creative, innovative and searching for both a meaningful life and meaningful experiences.


This is a tough one. There is a difference. While it is difficult to describe an over involved parent, I do know this, "When you meet one, you know you just met one." Over involved parents have a way of turning people off but we have come to understand why they are what they are. There is nothing wrong with making sure your child is having a meaningful experience conducive to growth as a person and skill level. This is good when kept in the proper perspective. We encourage parents to observe what their child is going through our program, especially the dryland involving plyometrics. How else would we be able to promote our program in an age where parents decide where there child should be when in search of becoming a better person and a better player? You can readily see where your child fits in the group as well as the needs.

The new age group of players has moved beyond Generation X, Baby Boomers and the Traditionalist of our era. These high tech groups of young people make up the fastest growing segment of players and workers ever. Mom and Dad are showing up to make sure everything is in order and the athletes are texting, emailing and cruising the internet. They are asking more questions about something having a purpose and being a meaningful experience.

We are ready to accept that challenge and urge young people to experience our program to ensure they are ready to “make a difference” in everything they attempt to do, however, we would like to do this without losing our "element of growth away from home" concepts.

These young people are demanding a quality program in a stimulating environment that serves a purpose for them now and in the future. They want to know that everything we do is meaningful. They want to know who they are, how do they fit and how they are going to get there. They are fm families where they’ve been told, “If you are going to do something, then do something that will benefit you both now and in the future.” This is exactly the role MHC has filled over the years and we have the track record to prove it. We go beyond the game and we do give young people an opportunity to make a difference @ an early age in our diverse programs.

There are times when it is easier for a young player to make a difference in a dryland or strength training session than on the ice. Each experience fuels the other. They learn quickly how to play a meaningful role. If they do not excel in any of the exercises, there is still enough for them in each experience to feel good about what they’ve accomplished. We rarely have a young person fail to improve as a person and player.

Our practices and dryland programs are sophisticated and demanding enough to challenge any person, and this eliminates any reason to burn out. The idea of doing what it takes in any setting is enough to build self-esteem and stimulate the mind. We encourage the use of cell phones, texting and emails because we want the positive buzz about the synergy @ MHC, but we want it done in a constructive manner; never interfering with the training process. The time to text, email and use the Internet is early in the morning before breakfast and later @ night when the training is finished. Guidelines have to be in place to have some sort of structure with regard to losing items and paying attention to detail while training.

Meaningful experiences have a way of giving young people a huge competitive and psychological advantage on their opponent in life and the game. They learn that competition is great and giving 100% can raise your self-esteem level. Our feeling is the positive buzz about our programs will create more interest in MHC. We find it tough for young people to “make a difference” if they aren’t trained, schooled and given an opportunity to “make a difference”. Intangibles acquired, once they reach a required skill threshold, are invaluable and will ultimately dictate their success.

When we speak of intangibles, we are referring to an attitude, swagger, gregariousness, boldness and competitive instincts that provide you with the skill to express your skills. We all need to learn to smartly compete with zero inhibitions and a will to win. This will enable us to solve a lot of problems in life.

The helicopter parent has now assumed the role of teacher, coach, mentor and friend of their offspring and this is here to stay for this generation. We don’t fight it, but we also recognize the value of 3 to 6 mentors outside of the immediate family and the impact they can have on a young person’s life. MHC is willing to assume this role and be an extension of the parent. Young people are now asked about interests, desires and talents. The idea of talking to and telling has been replaced by “talking with”. Coaches and parents would be wise to recognize the value.

Sports and hobbies are approached differently than when we were kids. Young people are programmed to prioritize. This doesn’t mean less fulfillment. This simply means that young people are striving to insure success. MHC has a responsibility to contribute. Loyalty, engagement and respect are still a priority and it’s our job to assume that responsibility as well.

We assume the responsibility of helping young people make a difference, make them feel they are contributing by rewarding their efforts and ideas, respect their creativity levels and listening to their comments. The new wave isn’t interesting in doing what anyone can do. They want to be appreciated for their success levels achieved. They are accustomed to being measured and MHC wants you to know that those measurements are in place. Our goal is to take those measurements to a level where each athlete can constructively critique their efforts and results because we will expose both assets and liabilities.

The rewards for achievement do not have to be costly. Praise is an ample reward for effort and a job well done. This is also a generation that has been hand fed, so failure has more meaning to them. They have been protected fm failure which is why MHC can play an even more important role. We are a “dry run” for experiences that will happen in real life. It is far more important to have these “dry run” failures that don’t affect your life and have the meaningful experience of critiquing your shortcomings and improving. This will eliminate the possibility of any tragedy that is lurking.

Our programs are focused on young people having the freedom to express their skills without having the burden of losing a game because they tried something out of the ordinary and this has been in place since the camp was founded. Our feeling is they will be able to refine and define their game by teaching them how to constructively critique themselves while eliminating all the blind spots and inhibitions that stifle success.

I don't know too many coaches who want a "2 for 1" deal where the parents, sometimes grand parents, come with the players. This is a fine line in this new age. Coaches appreciate the parents who support and believe in the program through the good and bad times. There is always the case where the player is so good that the coach is willing to put up with the side show. This is not meant to give you an out because we are talking about a very small percentage.

Mentoring and parenting all comes down to providing opportunity, creating awareness, recognizing assets, managing liabilities, problem solving and being able to tell your athlete, “Just play; have fun, do something out of the ordinary and try to make a difference.”.

We were all put on this earth to validate and anoint ourselves regardless of what people say, believe, write or think about us. Posturing, lobbying and 2 for 1's have no place in the equation. There is no entitlement regardless of your situation.

It comes down to "dealing with the hand you are dealt". I don't care if the perceived wrong team, in your eyes, drafts you @ any level. Take your poison and learn to live with it. It's in your best interest to "go where you are wanted". History shows that players succeed when the coach believes in them and they believe in the coach. There are a lot of examples out there of young athletes whose parents felt that a certain program wasn’t in their best interest. They would spend a whole season lobbying to get somewhere else. When they get there, they lobby to get them on the “right line or defensive combinations”. There has been more than one case where the team they didn’t like went on to win their division, league or a National Title. There has also been more than one case where they would have been a 1 -2 guy versus a bubble guy in another setting. The 1-2 guys have a better chance to develop.

Every time a parent overly protects their young athlete from adversity, they create more problems than they solve. Young people have to accept the fact that adversity is here to stay. Protecting a child from any adversity is delaying the inevitable. Hiding from adversity @ a young age will make it difficult to cope with adversity in the future. Life is a series of dry runs, semi dry runs and then the “real runs” when adverse situations pop up in your life. The more you accept the challenge of staring them down the better off you will be in the long run.

“Life is an adventure in progress. There are days and nights when all is great and then there are days and nights where……..

I could make a list of high school, junior and college teams when I think of programs poised to turn out as many professional athletes as the name programs. They are programs that are giving young people an opportunity to catch up and pass their peers in life and the game.

I vividly remember the years when our own children moved away to play, whether @ camp, junior or university. We remember receiving calls and listening to them vent. We were left to fret while our children vented. Then they ran off with their friends and had a good time because they were able to vent while we were left to fret and worry.

Bottom line: The parents’ role should be to provide every opportunity and work towards raising a competent, competitive and a confident child, with composure to put a bad mistake/game behind them. They will receive scholarships and/or get drafted/signed as a free agent if they are good enough. The new process begins when that happens. First, the players have to define their assets, what role they can play as they go to the next level and then try to excel @ that. Once they do that, they will be asked to master their trade. All of these players go through the same process. The problem is awareness of who and what you are and who and what you can be. Some players want to excel and a more select group choose to master their trade. Hopefully your child has a will to excel beyond this level and then the rare will to master and perfect the tools of their trade and what others believe they can be. Our job is to make them aware of the process by showing them how it works. Expose problems and help them solve them; because they never go away.

The biggest problem is most players 'think' they want to excel and master their trade, they “think” they train hard, they “think” they have a passion for the game; and are not aware of the process of how to go about doing that. If they did, more would contribute on the NHL level or @ least raise the bar of the organization. MHC has a way of creating awareness and exposing this in our athletes with the primary goal of moving on and up.

I will always believe that any child in a setting where credible adults get to know them (no better example than our camp), will generally get what they have coming to them. They will get the necessary exposure and then be recognized by others who care about their future because they made an impression with their skills and intangibles which are difficult to read just watching a game.

Copyright by Chuck Grillo, Minnesota Hockey Camps, 24621 So Clark Lake, Rd P.O. Box 90, Nisswa, MN 56468-0090 Phone 218.96.2444 Fax 218.963.2325 Email chuck@mnhockeycamps.com All rights reserved.No part of this book, blog OR template may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means without permission in writing from Minnesota Hockey Camps